The Random Life
NEIRAD enilno edition
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One day, as I drove to school, I became aware of how horrible some Darien roads are, pothole-wise. Maybe it’s just my horrible early-morning vehicle maneuvering, but I seemed to have a particularly bumpy ride. The next morning, my drive to school was pleasantly smooth and I felt like I might have been in a car commercial. The Midnight Asphalt Gnomes are at it again!
On my way out of Minnesota as I checked my luggage at the Minneapolis airport, the kindly uniformed man named Terrance printed out my boarding pass and handed it to me, saying "have a nice trip!" in a cheery voice that made me just want to hug him.
I replied with a hurried, "YOU TOO" before turning around, pulling a face, and realizing that he isn't going anywhere and it was impolite of me to spark jealousy into his heart by wishing him a nice trip to nowhere. I realize that he probably gets that all the time, but I was really disappointed in my automatic conversation. The same thing happens when people say “Hi, what’s up?” to me and I say “Good.”
So when one goes through security there is always a burly security guard who preliminarily checks one's ID and boarding pass. Said burly security guard usually scribbles something meaningless on one's boarding pass, leaving one confused and intrigued as to the meaning of said scribble. Is it actually a secret code meaning "this one's not a terrorist"? Can these security guards really not control their pens? Are they simply messing with us? If we put together all of our boarding passes in seating order, NWA flight 1022, WILL THEY SPELL OUT A SECRET MESSAGE?
When I’m on Facebook, the following ads usually show up:
"Know Death Cab For Cutie?" Take this fun quiz and test your knowledge about Death Cab For Cutie now!
"Get Your Next Violin" Buy your next violin and many other musical instruments now at Soaap Music.
"Become a Police Officer" Get started and make a difference. Fill out our form to find information on criminal justice programs near you.
How is Facebook so knowledgeable about my interests and pursuits? Sellout indie bands with adorable lead singers! Baroque instruments! Crime-fighting and doughnut consumption! Is there someone watching me and taking notes so as to better catch my fancy while I’m logged in to everyone’s favorite procrastination tool? I’m still a little bit creeped out by the whole situation.
I don’t understand how people work. Take my sister for example. She was on the phone with a "friend" and they ended up screaming at each other. I still can't tell if they were serious, but their conversation ended with my sister screaming, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I HOPE YOU CHOKE TO DEATH ON CAKE!" Then she snapped her phone shut and said "I love that girl", and I was like “Buh?” Another example: I was at Staples with a good friend of mine who had to pay $5.29 at checkout. He put down three one-dollar bills, a quarter, four pennies, and two gold dollars. The cashier honestly did not think that the gold coins were real money, and he looked at them skeptically a few times before bringing them over to another cashier who also looked at them as if they were moon rocks. I giggled at the time, but now that I think about it seriously, I almost pity the fool. Yes, you read that correctly: I pity the fool.
