The Random Life
NEIRAD enilno edition
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One morning, on the bus, I saw a businessman riding his bike to the train station.
He was on a purple mountain bike that was obviously his daughter's. He had on black, "risky business"-style sunglasses, his red tie was thrown over his shoulder, he had on striped socks, and he was listening to his iPod.
He was perhaps the scene-est and most pathetic man over 30 I have ever seen.
Have you ever been walking through the halls at school and find yourself thinking about something hilarious, so you smile and smile and giggle a little bit to yourself? This has happened to me several times due to a great many inside jokes that were born from my weekend escapades and I could be seen walking down the hall with a big, stupid grin on my face like I was touched in the head.
My sister had friends over.
Thing 1: "Where do you get your bras?"
Thing 2: "Victoria's Secret."
My sister: "What size are you?"
Thing 2: "Buttloads of huge."
I am not even kidding.
There is definitely a double negative on the back of The Crying of Lot 49 and it REALLY BOTHERS ME.
After playing baseball one evening, a friend of mine told me that I should be one of those sports models who is caught in the action and looks really athletic because their form is really good. I know I should have been flattered, but the only thing I could think about was that I apparently pose all the time while attempting this thing called "sports".
On a Tuesday, on the bus, a boy asked the world at large:
"Wait, today's Friday, right?"
I almost wanted to say yes.
Do you ever get that when you see someone in the hall who you're almost kind've maybe friends with and you wave and they do not wave back and you have to pass it off as a huge twitch? That happened to me a record number of five times in one day.
Texting punctuation bothers me. It took me two seconds after I got my phone to find where the apostrophe is, and it took me even less time to figure out the quickest way to type it (left select-6-9), so that "there's" becomes 8-44-33-777-33-left select 6 9-7777 (I can't use t9 or any other automatic texting program...I've tried and it's simply faster for me to hit all the buttons a bunch of times). It bugs me that the apostrophe is not more prominently featured as a punctuation mark. On my phone (and, I'm assuming, all other Verizon phones), there is an open quote, but no closed quote. Basically, whenever I try to put something into quotations in a text message, it ends up looking like this:
"Weasels ripped my flesh
with no closing quotation mark. I always end up using the dumb little asterisks (*) in place of quotes, so I look like some hopped-up 8th-grade Townie who types on her MySpace things like
*~/~hEyYyYa GuRlFrIeNd!~\~*
