Darien Laxers to Join Chess Club
NEIRAD enilno edition
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It’s no secret the DHS boy’s lacrosse team needs to step up its game. Anyone who has sat in the bleachers at a Darien lacrosse game knows this fact to be true. While the LAX games are moderately action packed and offer tepid excitement, they are by no means a portrayal of good athleticism and clearly lack strategic planning.
“If the team could get its act together and learn how to plan decent plays, they’d stand a much better chance of winning at least some games,” Lacrosse captain Jameson Love said.
Love’s statement reflects the stats of a new Neirad poll that found the average DHS student attends a total of just one lacrosse match in his/her four years at DHS: an impressive number considering the matches are not exactly examples of scintillating sports prowess.
In an attempt to improve the lacrosse team, Darien High School has turned to the chess club. It is hoped the speed, agility and prowess of the chess club will inject the magic ingredients the lax boys have so clearly been missing. This club has been developed for the sole purpose of creating a helpmate for Darien Lacrosse because -- let’s face it -- outside of Darien, who’s even heard of Darien LAX?
“Does Darien have a lacrosse team?” befuddled freshmen Haley Litchfield said.
With the season just beginning, the players will be required to attend the chess club’s bi-weekly meetings. The Zen masters of the chess club will hone the lacrosse members into lean mean netting machines. The lacrosse gamers are expected to be pawns in the game fielded by the chess club literati. “The goal of the chess club is to take these players from checking each other to check mate,” incoming DHS Chess Club President Sam Archibald said.
Captain Jameson Love agreed: “Just look at the previous season’s games – it has been frenzied ill-considered plays that are most likely the result of one or two players carrying out random moves depending on who is closest to the opponent’s goal,” Love, a DHS senior, said. These spur of the moment plays are to blame for Darien’s less than average season stats and depressing number of wins. Compared to most other Darien sports teams, the lacrosse boys just don’t stack up.
Hopefully the players’ new knowledge of chess can be transferred to their lacrosse games, and can help them boost the sorry state of Darien’s most underperforming team. “They seem to zig when they should zag,” Archibald, a DHS junior, said. “We need to show them it is time to take a leaf out of Kasparov’s book before this underperforming team can ever hope to tear up the field.”
